Nigel F: Hey, G Dog, how is everything totally hanging, baby?
G Dog: I beg your pardon, boss?
Nigel F: I’m greeting you in the manner of the kids. Anyway, you’ve been saying “Bongo Bongo land” again. I’m getting it in the neck from the pinkoes of the media.
G Dog: I call it the way I see it, boss. Just like you asked me to.
Nigel F: Hmm, well I sort of did, in the round, but with a lot less of the ‘Bongo Bongo’, if you recall.
G Dog: Look, boss, you know I really can’t control myself on that front. It’s why I’m a national treasure. Couldn’t you say I’m simply alluding to famous Gabon, where President Ali Bongo succeeded his father, Omar Bongo?
Nigel F: Strictly speaking, G Dog, that would really only work if Bongo the Younger hyphenated his name out of respect to his long-serving and much-loved Dad. I mean, if you’d simply said ‘Bongo-land’, it might have been OK. But even then only if you’d been referring specifically to Gabon, which I gather you weren’t.
G Dog: Nige, sometimes I really do wonder who the pinkoes really are. How about we say it was an ironic homage to the great Alan Clarke?
Nigel F: What? Now you want to get stuck into the homages as well? Jesus, G Dog, quite a few of our lot are homages too, even if they keep quiet about it. You’re going to have to keep a lower profile, I’m telling you. So, with that in mind, G Dog, could you get yourself onto the Twittermachine and take up the role of official UKIP spokesperson (winks). There’s a thing going on about misogyny – I’ve a feeling you might find some fellow-travellers there and I’m sure even you couldn’t do any damage with that lot….